On the 12th of February we moved to a beautiful new home, we are still in the same town and the kids still attend the same schools.
I never realised how stressed our old home was making me or just how unhappy I was until now. Moving house is meant to be one of the most stressful things you can never do, yet for the first time in a very long time I feel at peace, for me it is like a strange sense of calm has washed over me. Although when I think about it I can still see the awful images of Lachlan walking out the door and not being able to reach him and a drowning child, for now the nightmares I was plagued with have stopped. The nearest river is a good 10 minute walk away.
Moving was very, very stressful, Lachlan managed to escape once and nearly got run over, I shook for nearly an hour after, it was no ones fault, the door was left open, everyone thought someone else was watching Lachlan. I never held my boy so tight, it was strange though, I took Lachlan inside, I sat him on my knee, looked him in the eye and told him never to go out on his own again, I told him he could have been hurt, I then fell apart and needed my Mum to put me back together, a little while later though Lachlan came up to me looked right at me and said ” I am sorry Mummy”. Both my Mum and I were speechless, I honestly think Lachlan understood, it just took him a while to process it all and find the right words.
It really hit me then, just how huge the responsibility of keeping Lachlan safe is.
Someone once said to me God never gives someone more than they can handle, I am not sure I believe this, I have been really struggling with my faith for a while now. The responsibility that comes with caring for Lachlan is immense and incalculable. The fear I felt that day will stay with me for ever.
Yesterday our locks were changed so that a key is needed to open the doors on both sides, a much needed safety measure. We are waiting on other safety adaptations keypads for the toilets and lounge and a permanent 3/4 height barrier with lockable door to patrician off the open plan kitchen.
The keypads for the toilets are to stop Lachlan playing with the taps and toilets and the one for the lounge is so we can keep Lachlan downstairs.
Lachlan loves the new house, Lachlan loves his bedroom, Lachlan loves the space, Lachlan took the move pretty much in his stride, he has really impressed me with just how well he has coped with all the upheaval. After Lachlan’s first visit to the house, he was asked what he thought, again there was a delay, his answer was just one perfect word, “Amazing!”
Lachlan’s bedroom is opposite ours, so far he has managed one night all night in his own bed, we have put a gate across the hall after he went wandering down the stairs in the middle of the night, so now he can only wander to our room, some nights he is managing until 6.00am others he is in with us by midnight! I have to admit that one night I actually missed Lachlan, which is complete madness considering I have waited nearly five years for Lachlan to do a full night in his own bed!
Lachlan wants lights on all night, our old home was lit up like Blackpool illuminations thanks to two lampposts at both the front and back of the house, we have invested in night lights and a nursery lamp, it is early days though and perhaps Lachlan has inherited my fear of the dark. I still remember being his age and being terrified of the night.
We are still trying to organise the new house, I think it will take months to get everything just so, but for now we are getting there.
Lachlan’s speech is taking another little leap which is magical, today at lunchtime we were hit with a blizzard, Lachlan turned to me and said “Look Mummy it is snowing,” “cold”, “frozen” these little steps mean so much more than most will ever understand, it is not just about the words for me it is the joy that comes from knowing Lachlan wants to share something with me, two years ago Lachlan only had two words, we now have short often meaningful sentences which are even in context.
Another favourite with Lachlan at the moment is to ask for “music to dance”, Lachlan sings along sometimes, though I have realised I need to watch the lyrics of what I am listening too as on Sunday he was singing along to Meatloaf and came out with “sex, n, drums and Rock and roll!” The wee monkey saw my reaction and repeated it over and over between giggles!
Another battle we have finally won is that Lachlan will now wear something other than boots on his feet, he has slippers and gym shoes and seems to quite like them.
It is the little things……